On what is and isn’t kink shaming

I try, very hard, not to kink shame.   As long as everyone involved has given genuine consent, go for it.

But let’s be clear.  My not wanting to participate in your kink is not kink-shaming.  You’ve got your thing.  I’ve got mine.  There are boundaries.  There are things I do not do.  To give a not kink at all example, I hate the taste of coffee.  But I’m never going to judge you for liking coffee.   I’m okay with you having coffee when I’m around.  I even keep some coffee on hand and a coffee pot for my friends who like it.

I am, however, going to eventually get pissed when you keep bringing me cups of coffee and insisting I try this one or that one.  I’m not going to drink it just because you made is special for me.  Don’t try to guilt trip me by telling me you spent money bringing it for me when you already know I don’t like it, and sure as hell don’t ask me to reimburse you when you knew I hate coffee.  Don’t try to trick me into drinking it by not telling me what it is or by giving it to me in a different form like coffee flavored cake or candy.

And that’s not intolerance.  That’s not kink-shaming.  That’s not me being the bad guy.

You’re not the one being disrespected in that scenario.

You’re the asshole.

Now let us be blunt, and take this from the kitchen to the dungeon.  You may think your kink is the best thing ever.   But it’s not what we agreed to when we started playing.   Pointing that out to you is NOT kink-shaming.  Telling you to stop is NOT kink-shaming.

Throwing you out of the scene when you don’t stop is also NOT kink-shaming.

You’re not the one being disrespected in that scenario.

You’re the asshole.


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