How to get slapped (in French)

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As some of you know, I’ve been taking French lessons and using duolingo to practice.  I am currently sitting at 56% fluency, which to me just means their fluency algorithm really needs to be re-calibrated.  Netflix has a sad lack of titles both dubbed and subtitled in French, so I’ve been watching the Santa Clarita Diet.  As long as France gets invaded by zombies and I need to hide bodies and eat people while I am there, everything will be fine.  France, do not let me down.

Duolingo has this lovely little add-on lesson on how to flirt in French.

Vous me plaisez

Tu me plais

Both mean ‘I like you’, but the top one is the formal and polite way to say it, while the bottom one is how you’d say it to someone you are already friends with.  And if someone you are already friends with doesn’t know you like them, you might be doing it wrong.  Anyway…

It contains your basics, such as:

Vous venez ici souvent?  Do you come here often?

On va chez toi ou chez moi?  Your place or mine?

Je peux vous offrir un verre Can I buy you a drink?

It also has some true gems.

Tu es mannequin?  Are you a model?

Je ne suis pas saoul, je suis juste ivre de vousI’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.

Tues si chaude, que j’en attrape un coup de solielYou are so hot you are giving me a sunburn

Il fait chaude ici, ou bien c’est vousIs it hot in here, or is it just you?

It is good to know obnoxious pick-up lines know no language barriers.

France, je suis désolé.

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